saturday nite (day 2)
Saturday Aug 14, 2010
So it's a Saturday night and I am at home, because I got off work and I am too lazy or tired to go anywhere. I am trying to make sure I blog every night about whatever I can. Some people are to afraid to look, because of what I might say. I think what I would say would embarrass me first before anyone else. LOL. Not that it would really matter, but you know. I keep forgetting to write in my journal, but this way it's like an online one you know. And I am always on the computer anyway so might as well try it. Work kicked my butt today as always. They keep putting me on the sales floor, but I don't get paid any extra money for it. Wouldn't that be nice. I wish I had a day off that included money so I could actually do some bonding with my own family. I guess once you start working is when you lose all quality time. You know my son is almost 3 and I want to cry cuz I am always in school or work, but never home. It's a rather big pity. He grows up right underneath me and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. I think that's kinda why I want another baby is just to feel like I can maybe make up that time I lost you know. Now I realize I should have never tried to rush, because before I knew it time got away from me. Now all he wants is his toys and to go play. I can't even hold him anymore. Chris is so understanding of us yet sometimes he seems so confused. It's like he wants to be with both of us, but seems to be adjusting to the family part hard. I have tried to set up back up plans in case something ever happens although I pray with all my heart it never comes true. I hope one day all amends can be made and everyone will accept everyone. It puts such an emotional strain on me to try to choose everyone's side when now all I want to do is put my hands over my ears and scream stop it or just run out. I could be over reacting, but you know me. I guess judge for yourselves. I think I have written a good enough novel tonight and it is already 1:41 am so I am going to go ahead and turn in. Goodnight all and sweet dreams.
So it's a Saturday night and I am at home, because I got off work and I am too lazy or tired to go anywhere. I am trying to make sure I blog every night about whatever I can. Some people are to afraid to look, because of what I might say. I think what I would say would embarrass me first before anyone else. LOL. Not that it would really matter, but you know. I keep forgetting to write in my journal, but this way it's like an online one you know. And I am always on the computer anyway so might as well try it. Work kicked my butt today as always. They keep putting me on the sales floor, but I don't get paid any extra money for it. Wouldn't that be nice. I wish I had a day off that included money so I could actually do some bonding with my own family. I guess once you start working is when you lose all quality time. You know my son is almost 3 and I want to cry cuz I am always in school or work, but never home. It's a rather big pity. He grows up right underneath me and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. I think that's kinda why I want another baby is just to feel like I can maybe make up that time I lost you know. Now I realize I should have never tried to rush, because before I knew it time got away from me. Now all he wants is his toys and to go play. I can't even hold him anymore. Chris is so understanding of us yet sometimes he seems so confused. It's like he wants to be with both of us, but seems to be adjusting to the family part hard. I have tried to set up back up plans in case something ever happens although I pray with all my heart it never comes true. I hope one day all amends can be made and everyone will accept everyone. It puts such an emotional strain on me to try to choose everyone's side when now all I want to do is put my hands over my ears and scream stop it or just run out. I could be over reacting, but you know me. I guess judge for yourselves. I think I have written a good enough novel tonight and it is already 1:41 am so I am going to go ahead and turn in. Goodnight all and sweet dreams.
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